DO I DESERVE THIS?

“Boring ang buhay pag walang problema.”

The last week before summer vacation started already. Along with deadlines to be met, final exams are the most stressful of all. We had our exam in Cost Accounting awhile ago, & I am so tired the day before ‘cus we have to finish a film requirement that I really didn’t have the strength to review my lessons. I’m also not the type who would allot an hour or so for sleep, and spend the rest of the day reviewing. To cut the story short, I came to class not that prepared since I reviewed for about 5hrs more or less.

Everybody had a hunch that the exam would be difficult since it’s the final exam, and we’re right. Some of the things I studied got jumbled up as soon as my prof gave us the questionnaires. I’m struggling for the right answers, and when I can’t answer anything anymore, I had no choice but to CHEAT. Cheating is not new to me, but I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT. My conscience mocks me every time I ask my classmates for the answers and use my phone for forwarded solutions to my problem. As I write the answers that I’ve got, my mind started wandering about things that will happen to  me if I fail or why the hell am I doing this when it’s very wrong. I know well enough that cheating won’t do me any good but I do not want to fail. it’s not because for me, but I do not want to disappoint my parents and everybody who has high expectations for me.  So  going back to the exams, I’m not yet done answering when the prof suddenly said we have to pass our papers already, that’s the time that I just broke down and cried. I know for a fact that I won’t even get a passing score,  and I’m not saying this because I’m being a pessimist, but I just knew that my answers I put on that paper wasn’t enough. And if they were, I still can’t be happy because I got half of it from other people. There’s no one to blame but ME. I’m asking myself if I deserve to fail not, because there are many questions in my head that lead to the answer YES. I did not exert all my effort and I keep on thinking that my friends are there to save me. I’m not even asking God whys because I knew for a fact all the answers to my questions. Do I deserve to get whatever will I get? MAYBE. YES.

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